Bored in PE Class
by Trinity Jasmine Elessar
Summary: My friend and I in a boring class... madness is produced! Aargh, the inhumanity! ~CHAPTER SIX~ SARUMAN'S BIRTHDAY! PG-13 for extreme stupidity.
1. Frodo and His Cool Machinery

Bored in P.E. Class  
  
Author's Notes: My first fic, and I don't even think it's very funny. Just something that my crazy friend and me dreamed up during- P.E. class! Disclaimer: I forgot about this. I don't own anything! Wahh!  
  
Gandalf stopped, eyes wide as he stared at the monstrosity before him. "Balrog," he murmured.  
  
"Yes, it is I, wizard," the creature boomed.  
  
"It's been a long while since that night club, creature."  
  
"Don't remind me, I was drunk."  
  
"Never mind," Gandalf said lightly, raising his staff. "You cannot pass!"  
  
"What? Hey? Can't hear you!" the Balrog yelled gleefully. He took a step towards the wizard, blood lust gleaming in his flaming eyes.  
  
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Gandalf roared.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So, what did you do last night," Legolas asked Aragorn.  
  
"Well, me and my buddies tried to go see The Two Towers. I was mobbed by a bunch of screaming fangirls," Aragorn said.  
  
Legolas' eyes grew wide. "What next?"  
  
"You don't wanna know."  
  
Aragorn has a sudden vision of Trinity whacking fangirls on the heads with a club screaming, "MINE! MINE! ALL MINE! HE'S MINE SO BACK OFF!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Gandalf screamed. In a mad fury, he slammed his staff into the bridge of Khazad-dum.  
  
CRACK! Gandalf peered down, a sense of doom filling his senses. All he saw was. empty space.  
  
"Ahh!" Gandalf did a very good impression of Wile E Coyote and fell downwards. The Balrog laughed.  
  
"Ha ha! Stupid wizard!" he roared. He leaped over the gap in the bridge and stomped on the Fellowship. The hobbits got stuck in between its toes.  
  
"HELP!" they screamed. Frodo got a demented look in his eyes.  
  
"There is only one way to win," he said in a disembodied voice, pulling back his shirt to reveal- a prosthetic shoulder made of brightly colored wires and metal. "They had to give me this after those Ringwraiths stabbed me." He pressed a button on his shoulder.  
  
"NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Sam screamed.  
  
"Self destructing!" Frodo yelled.  
  
"Later," Aragorn and Legolas charged up the stairs, thoughtfully abandoning the rest of the Fellowship.  
  
"3."  
  
"2."  
  
"1."  
  
"Have a nice day." 


	2. THE CHAPTER YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D SEE!

        A/N: It's baaack! More mindless organized chaos! Aargh! The insanity! Aragorn and Legolas are in a Lothlorien Motel… madness follows!

          Thank you, **Kaelas**, for your review! Reviews brighten my day.

**Chapter Two! THE CHAPTER YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D SEE!**

          Legolas glanced at the TV warily. "What is this thing?"

          Aragorn, settling into the sofa, said, "It's a tel- eee- viii- sheeon!" He squinted at the TV guide.

          "A what?" Legolas asked, hands on hips.

          "They also call it a tee- vee," Aragorn smirked. He picked up the remote and pressed 'POWER'.

          Immediately, South Park came on. Legolas screamed and smashed it with a sledgehammer. Its final spluttering words were, "-You killed Kenny!"

          "Good work, Legolas," Aragorn yelled. "I was watching the tee- vee!" Angered, he threw the remote down and snatched the sledgehammer, throwing it out the window.

          A loud thud resounded from the yard, followed by a cracking noise. Aragorn grabbed his pack. "I'm going to see how that 'shower' works."

          Legolas poked the TV.

          It stared at him.

          Legolas' eyes grew wide. "I- will- not- blink!" he said, determined to win some unspoken staring contest.

          "What?" Aragorn asked, managing to brush his teeth with a Sonicare. "What are you- AARGH!"

          Legolas looked up. Aragorn rolled out of the bathroom, screaming, "TOOTHPASTE IN EYE! AAHHHH! STINGS! IT BURNS! IT BITES! IT FREEZES! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!"

          Aragorn began running around until he ran into a wall and was knocked unconscious. Suddenly, Gandalf burst through the door.

          "They're after me!"

          "What? Who?" Legolas surreptitiously rolled Aragorn under a bed while maintaining a straight face.

          "The SQUIRRELS! They think I'm nuts!" Gandalf screamed, waving his arms.

          "Oh, no, head injury," Legolas grabbed a tye-dyed turban from the cabinet and wrapped it around Gandalf's head.

          Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Legolas opened it slowly and two police officers rushed in. "Nobody move!"

          "What do you want?" Legolas squeaked. "I didn't mean to break the tee- vee!"

          The officers gave him a strange look. "Go and brush your hair," one said before turning to Gandalf. "You! We trailed you from the Moria basement, thieving that nice shiny sword! Now get your psychedelic butt out of here!"

          The second officer decided to sing the theme song from "Cops".

          "He-ey! I've heard that song on the tee-vee!" Aragorn's muffled voice came from under the bed.

          "What's this? Hey! Son of Arathorn! We've been looking for you, too!" the officers grabbed Aragorn and dragged him from under the bed. They looked back at Legolas. "You're in real trouble now! Take them away!"

          A/N: Uh-oh. Not good. I've actually sprayed toothpaste in my eye with a Sonicare. It really hurt; don't try it!


	3. The Tribute to Computers aka NO, NOT ANO...

*Gasp* Thank you for reviewing, everyone! Oh, and in case anyone wanted to know how I got toothpaste in my eye, here it is:

Okay. So I was brushing my teeth and thinking. _La la la la la. Life is good._ Well, not really, but you get the idea. Before I can react, the Sonicare leaps out of my mouth and squirts me in the eye. I'm running around yelling, "AARGH! MY EYE! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!" Don't ever do that! Not only did it hurt, but it made me feel like a bigger idiot than normal… LOL.

A/N: NO! COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? MORE IDIOCY! CHAPTER THREE! GOD SAVE US! (And I'm on a sugar high, so everyone watch out! MWAHAHAHA!)

Chapter Three: The Tribute to Computers 

        The cops shoved Aragorn, Legolas, and Gandalf into a jail cell. "You guys just sit tight, okay?" one said.

        "Whatever happened to that 'guilty until proven innocent' routine?" Gandalf yelled. Aragorn poked him.

        "Uhh, Gandalf," he whispered. "It was the other way around."

        "What?" Gandalf looked around, confused.

        "Take what you just said, and reverse it!"

        "Huh? Come home, Lassie?" Gandalf fell into a drug-induced stupor.

        Legolas rolled his eyes. "What a freak," he muttered. The police officers entered again, one holding a laptop computer.

        "No way, John, I think we need pictures!" one of the cops yelled at the other.

        "I'm serious too, Karl! Look at this picture! Look at the dark haired old man over there!" John said.

        "I am NOT old!" Aragorn yelled.

        "Hey! That's not him!" Karl shrieked. "That's my daughter's picture of Viggo Mortensen at that book-signing thing! Someone's gonna kill me!"

        "Relax, we'll mail it home," John snatched the picture up and pulled out an envelope.

        "Wouldn't it be faster to just bring it home after work?" Legolas asked.

        "NO!" both men roared.

        Karl and John stuffed the picture into the envelope and rushed over to the Nazgul Inc. building, home of the 24-hour delivery service- Wraith Ex.

        Legolas eyed the computer. "Ooh! Look, Aragorn! They left that thing!" He pointed to the laptop.

        Aragorn whistled. "It's a Lemba 2000 with- a Celeborn processing unit!"  He grappled for the laptop.

        Legolas squealed. "They have Descent 2!"

        Aragorn immediately began tapping keys. "I love that game!" The screen popped up and Aragorn procured a joystick from somewhere inside his vest.

        "Left! Left!" Legolas screamed.

        "Shut up! I'm playing!" Aragorn yelled.

        "FIRE! FIRE!" Legolas screeched in Aragorn's ear.

        Aragorn grabbed Legolas' face with a hand and shoved the elf over. "Mmphhppgglllhhh!" Legolas said.

        BLAMB! Aragorn screamed.

        "I died! I DIED! The reactor killed me! You little devil incarnate!" Aragorn started pounding the keyboard with his fists. Snaps and cracks emanated from the keyboard.

        "ARAGORN!" Legolas roared. Aragorn pulled out a hammer and started smashing the computer.

        "You still had one life!"

        "AARGH!" Aragorn threw the remains of the computer at the door just as Karl and John came back in.

        "What in the-?" John yelled.

        "Hey, good job!" Karl said happily. "Came close to doing the same thing a few days ago."

        John knelt by the remains of the computer. "My poor baby!" he bawled, scooping the pieces into his arms and rocking them.

        "He is very dysfunctional," Karl muttered. "Alright, guys, we're gonna have to separate you."

        "STOP!" a tiny voice roared. Everyone turned towards the door where the small, furry-footed intruder stood.

A/N: I want to smash my computer at the moment *growl*

Descent 2 is one of my favorite computer games. Oh, yeah, type "**DELSHIFTB**" when you are playing and you get all the weapons in that level, kill all enemies, blow up the reactor, and transport to the exit. The only evil part is: you get a big fat score of 0. -_-


	4. The Greatest Air Instrument Band in Midd...

I can't believe I just did this. I wrote another chapter!

**CHAPTER FOUR: The Greatest Air Instrument Band in Middle earth!**

        "P-Peregrin?" Gandalf stammered.

        "Yes, Gandalf! It's me!" Pippin shouted.

        "But- how?"

        "Who cares?"

        "Come on, dude," Karl and John pulled Aragorn's arms. "Solitary confinement for you!"

        "Noooo!" Aragorn wailed. "Let me go, you ugly men!"

        "Ugly?" Karl stared at John. "I'm not ugly."

        "Yeah! You're so ugly that you're going to sit on the sofa, eating Twinkies and watching Oprah and you'll get so fat that you won't be able to get out the door and you'll have to have someone call the emergency room-"

        Karl stuffed Aragorn's cloak into his mouth. "Shut up!"

        "Mmmmuuhhhupppmmmm," Aragorn complained. Legolas took a swing at an imaginary golf ball.

        "Hey, what are you doing, buddy?" Pippin asked.

        "I am a champion at air golf," Legolas said. "And air guitar."

        "Uh, sure," Pippin said. Gandalf gasped.

        "You play AIR GUITAR? I play air drums!" Gandalf started tapping on imaginary drums. "I normally do it in my car, where you can pull down those little window visor thingies- those make great cymbals." Gandalf clapped excitedly.

        "Let's play!" Legolas tuned up his air guitar. Pippin stared at him.

        "Don't you have an instrument?" Gandalf asked.

        "Un, no," Pippin looked crestfallen.

        "Don't worry! You can play my kazoo!" Legolas tossed a plastic kazoo to Pippin.

        "Whoa! Tight!" Pippin blew on the kazoo. Gandalf tossed him a party blower.

        "Alternate between the two," he said. Pippin gave the party blower an experimental blow. The blower shot out and hit Aragorn, who gave Pippin a death glare.

        Pippin blasted air into the blower. The paper flew off the mouthpiece and struck John in the eye. "Aargh! My eye!" he yelled. He ripped the mangled party favor from his face and glared at the group.

        Gandalf held out a rainmaker. "Would you like to play the rainmaker?"

A/N: Scared yet? ;P


	5. Escape to the Dumpster aka The Plot Star...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!! Glad you like insanity because things are about to get very weird!

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR and it's probably a good thing that I don't.

**A/N: HARRY POTTER BASHING!!! **But it's oh-so-little.** YEAHHH!! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. *dodges tomatoes* EEP! Calm down, please calm down… *hit by tomato* ACHPTH!**

Elijah: FIRE! *tomatoes fly*

Me: ELIJAH!!!!

Elijah: Oh, uh, hi Trinity… uh heh.

Me: DIE!!!

Elijah: Hey, calm down! I'm sure we can talk, right?

*scuffle*

~~~~~~~~~

**CHAPTER FIVE: Escape To The Dumpster a.k.a. The Plot Starts Coming Back**

        "I don't want to play your stupid rainmaker!" John said angrily, shoving the instrument aside.

        "Dude, that was SO not nice," Pippin frowned. (DARNIT! I LEFT MY POP TARTS IN THE TOASTER! BE GRATEFUL TO GET THIS CHAPTER!)

        "BWOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Legolas screamed, strumming his air guitar wildly. (ARGH! MY POP TARTS MELTED TO THE TOASTER! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!)

        "SHUT UP!" John roared.

        "I agree," Aragorn muttered. "She annoys me. Good thing we're almost out of Pop Tarts."

        "Hey, what this in my pocket?" Karl pulled out a picture. "Wow, it's another picture of- GET THE STAMPS AND MANILLA ENVELOPES!"

        Karl and John rushed outside to Wraith Ex. "Well, there they go," Gandalf said.

        "Are here comes- another member of the band! Everybody welcome Aragorn, world's greatest air keyboarder!" Pippin yelled.

        "Gee, guys," Aragorn grinned.

        "Let's play!" Gandalf roared. "We shall play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!"

        "No, that's dorky, you stupid gray grub!" Aragorn complained.

        "Well, what does Master Tarantula recommend?" Gandalf shot back.

        Aragorn ignored him and started playing Mary Had A Little Lamb. "You're horrible!" Gandalf exclaimed, covering his ears. Aragorn lowered his voice an octave, having transformed his air keyboard into an air church organ.

        "Uh, guys?" Pippin looked at them. "We could play both."

        "Twinkle Twinkle Had A Little Star?" (A/N: My friend Tiffany accidentally said that. YEAH, TIFF, YOU'RE THE GREATEST!)

        "Okay," Gandalf and Aragorn said, both starting to play.

        Q: How do you play Twinkle Twinkle Had A Little Star?

        A: You don't!

        Legolas and Pippin held their ears and screamed. "They can't be human!" Legolas wailed.

        "Well, technically Gandalf is an Istari wizard," Pippin pointed out.

        "HE'S NOT A VERY SMART ONE!" Legolas yelled, his eyes crossing. "NO ONE HAS BEATEN ARAGORN IN AN AIR INSTRUMENT WAR FOR A GAZILLION YEARS!"

        "I'm not THAT old!" Aragorn hollered. Suddenly, the wall behind them began to crack. Dust fell on Aragorn's head.

        "What the-?" Aragorn's eyes widened. Gandalf screamed dramatically. The wall crumbled.

        "Good work guys, we're free!" Pippin praised.

        "Hah, I got us out of jail AND won air instrument war number 682!" Aragorn gloated.

        "Ahh! Guys! Karl and John are returning!" Legolas shrieked.

        The group looked around and noticed a large Dumpster. "Hey, let's hide in there," Gandalf suggested.

        "Okay."

        WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SCENES WERE PERFORMED BY PROFESSIONALS. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.

        "Me first!" Legolas ran towards the Dumpster.

        "Age before beauty, elf," Gandalf said, yanking Legolas to the ground by his hair. He grabbed the rim of the Dumpster and tried to jump in.

        "Not so fast, gray sheep!" Aragorn knocked the lid of the Dumpster shut on Gandalf's fingers.

        Finally, they were all inside. "Stop poking me, Pippin!" Aragorn complained.

        "How do you know it's me?"

        "YOUR! FEET! ARE! HAIRY!"

        "It smells in here!" Gandalf griped. "I'm getting out!"

        "OH NO YOU'RE NOT!!!" the other three yelled.

        "YES I AM!" Gandalf picked up the remains of a Big Mac and chucked it at Legolas.

        "This is a McDonalds Dumpster?" Pippin wondered.

        "Cool." Aragorn grabbed some french fries and threw them at Gandalf. 

        "Ar-a-gorn!" Gandalf whined. "There are fries in my beard!"

        "And that's not all!" Aragorn picked up a Coke and poured it over Gandalf's head.

        "Grab him!" Pippin and Legolas grabbed food and pinned Gandalf down.

        "This is what you get for being a traitor!"

~~~~~~~~

        Gandalf tried to wipe Coke off his face while glaring at Aragorn, Legolas, and Pippin. "I'll get you all!" he threatened.

        The other three just laughed.

        Suddenly, a Big and Tasty wrapper stirred. Everyone turned slowly and stared at it. "Are there mice in here?"

        A grotesque creature rose from the trash. It was covered with green slime and old food.

        "A ZOMBIE!" Aragorn screamed. Everyone scrambled out of the Dumpster.

        "Hey, look!" John shouted.

        "The prisoners have escaped!" Karl pointed out.

        "Really," Aragorn said.

        "GET THEM!" Karl shouted.

        Suddenly, three figures appeared at the end of the alley. "Who's there?" one of them asked.

        "Hey, it's the crew from The Lord of the Rings!" another one exclaimed.

        "Sauron? NEVER!" Legolas yelled, stamping his foot.

        "What?" the figures sounded puzzled. In fact, I'm pretty confused too, so let me straighten this out.

        "HARRY POTTER!" Karl and John screamed. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" They turned tail and ran.

        "How odd." The figures stepped forward. It was a group of students from Hogwarts, Harry, Ron, and Hermoine.

        "Hey! It's Aragorn! He's my favorite character from The Lord of the Rings!" Harry's eyes sparkled. Aragorn looked at him nervously.

        "These people commune with Sauron! We can't talk to them!" Legolas crossed his arms and stared stonily away.

        "Aren't you guys supposed to go to Amon Hen? What are you doing here?" Harry wondered. He pulled out a copy of The Fellowship of the Ring. "Uh, yes you are! Shall we help you get there?"

        "Um, if you can," Gandalf pulled a cold, soggy fry out of his beard. "Legolas, stop the blatant, erm, ignoration." (A/N: O.O Ignoration? That's not even a word for crying out loud. It should be.)

        Legolas frowned. "These people commune with-"

        "Yes, I get it Legolas!" Gandalf said impatiently, smacking his forehead.

        "Hold on, everyone!" Harry yelled, shooting spark into the air. "I'll teleport us!" The sparks came down and landed on some old cloths. "Hmm," Harry mused, looking at his wand. "This never happened before.

        Suddenly, there was a loud explosion and four LOTR characters flew into the air, along with three students from Hogwarts.

        "Guys?" Pippin called from inside the Dumpster. "Where'd you go?"

~~~~~~~~~

        "It was all part of the plan!" Harry declared proudly.

        "I'm sure it was," Aragorn grumbled.

        "Hey," Gandalf and Legolas called. "Have you seen Pippin? We can't find him anywhere."

        "Strange," Ron said. "I thought I saw FOUR of you fly away."

        "One. Two." Aragorn counted. "Two."

        "Aragorn, you forgot to count yourself," Harry pointed out.

        "Oh. Three."

        "Well, who's the fourth?"

        "THE ZOMBIE!!" Aragorn screamed at the top of his lungs as the creature dropped on his head. "HELP!"

        "It's okay," the zombie said. "It's me! Frodo!"

        "F-F-F-Frodo?" Aragorn stammered, eyes crossed. "Why are YOU here? Where's Pippin?"

        "We left him in the Dumpster," Frodo explained.

        "Oh, why are you covered in slime?"

        "Uh," Frodo scratched his head. "I don't remember."

        "Well, go and take a bath; you smell!" Hermoine said. Frodo jumped off Aragorn's head and walked away, singing "Heigh-Ho".

        _Heigh_-Ho, Heigh-Ho__

_        It's off to bath we go_

_        I am stuck in icky slime_

_        It's time! __Bath__ time!_

        DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THAT SONG.

        "Heavens," Gandalf said. "What a strange person."

"Really."

"So, what now?"

"Well, now we'll get attacked by Uruk-Hai!" Harry exclaimed. An arrow flew from nowhere and speared him through the head.

        "Harry!" Hermoine screamed.

        "He's dead!" Ron added.

        "Oh, how terrible." Aragorn said monotonously, not really meaning it but feeling the need to be polite.

        "You shall pay for killing Harry!" Hermoine and Ron procured a couple of tanks…

        A/N: CLIFFHANGER!! :P *raspberry* I think I shall bash Harry's dead body now. Hm. *dodges rotten vegetables*

        JUST KIDDING- OR AM I?

        "Whoaaaa!" Legolas bugged his eyes. "I want one!"

        "NO, WE ARE GOING TO AVENGE HARRY!"

        "Geez, tank-hogs," Gandalf pouted.

        "We shall give 'Harry' a ceremonial burial while you destroy these Isengard creampuffs," Aragorn smiled and bowed.

        "I leave him in your trust."

~~~~~~~~~~

        "Why did you make us the funeral brigade?" Frodo wondered. "I thought you didn't like him."

        "I don't," Aragorn said. "But I couldn't resist." He walked as close to the Falls of Rauros as he dared and chucked Harry's body over the edge. "Swim with the fishes!"

        Gandalf and Legolas just stared. Frodo waded in the water when a log hit him and he got swept into the current.

        "Oh, no, Frodo is the Ringbearer! We can't lose him!" Aragorn dived into the water and reached for him.

        Frodo gagged. "I don't have it."

        Everything ground to a halt. "What?" Aragorn asked in disbelief.

        "I gave it to Tom Bombadil!" Frodo said.

        "Oh, then goodbye." Aragorn swam back to shore.

        "ARAGORN!" Frodo screamed.

        Gandalf waved a handkerchief. Legolas threw a rose.

        "Bye, Frodo!" they called.

_        Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho_

_        Frodo has to go_

_        Following our Harry Potter-_

        "DON'T sing, Aragorn."

        Tears came to Frodo's eyes. "Farewell! I shall never forget the kindness you showed me, even in death and despaaiiiiiiiiiiirrrrr!"

A/N: I'm so sorry you had to read that. Please accept my most sincere apologies. *laugh in background* Shut UP, Aragorn! I'm trying to apologize! Please don't flame me.

NEXT TIME: Hermoine and Ron tag along with Gandalf, Aragorn, and Legolas in a trip to Rohan! Boromir discovers his true ancestry! What HP kid will fall next by the mighty annoyance-induced anger of Aragorn? The Ent Dance Troupe makes its first appearance!


	6. Party on the Fields of Rohan!

First of all, THANKIES to everybody who reviewed! You guys rule! *hands out Elijah plushies*

Elijah: -_- Stop… giving… away… MY FRIENDS!!

Me: O.O() I don't think there's any more HP bashing. Um, maybe. OH, I don't know. This chapter has not been written yet!!

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR, HP, or Bored of the Rings! Hehehe.

~~~~~~~~

**CHAPTER SIX: Party on the Fields of Rohan!!**

        "Goodbye, Frodo!" Legolas called as the hobbit crashed over the waterfall.

        "Farewell, furry-footed friend!" Aragorn added.

        "See ya, jerk," Gandalf muttered.

        "What did you say, Gandalf?"

        "Huh? Oh, nothing!" Gandalf smiled pleasantly.

        "Let's go!" Legolas said. "Let's scram before the Sauron-followers catch up!"

        "Right," Gandalf rolled his eyes. "They're going to come up to us and start saying why we should team up with Sauron. Then they'll give us T-shirts or something."

        "How'd you know?" Legolas exclaimed. "Do you read _Sauron Followers Today_?"

        "Erm, no," Gandalf said. "WAIT A MINUTE! YOU READ THAT SUBVERSIVE MAGAZINE?!"

        "Uh," Legolas murmured nervously. "I skim."

        Gandalf arched his brows and shook his finger at Legolas. "Shame, shame!"

        "Good Gravy," Aragorn rolled his eyes.

        "Hey, guys!" someone yelled. Hermoine and Ron ran up to the rest of the Fellowship. "We thought we lost you!"

        "You know," Ron said. "You should really consider joining up with Sorhead. Their side has more manpower and they look cooler."

        "What?!" Gandalf shrieked.

        "Here you can have a baseball hat, old timer," Hermoine said, handing Gandalf a blue cap. "You other two can have T-shirts."

        Legolas looked absolutely livid.

        "Who did you say we join up with?" Gandalf wondered.

        Ron looked at him like he was stupid. "Sorhead, moron. Now let's go!"

        "Go? Go where?"

        "One of the dead Uruks gave us a flyer for a party held not too far from here! We want to go!"

        Aragorn grabbed the flyer. "_Come enjoy Saruman's 300th birthday party! Come to the Gap of Rohan between February 27th and March 2nd for a Fun Time! Entertainment is a fun Surprise!!! What to Bring: Yourselves and A Present for Saruman (If deemed necessary). How strange!"_

        "Should we go?" Gandalf asked. "I have the perfect gift for him."

        "Fine! We'll go! But the Gap is-"

        "-In the mall!" Legolas interrupted.

        "NO, Legolas! Not THAT Gap! Idiot." Aragorn glared at the elf. "Ahem. It's days away!"

        "We can teleport you!" Hermoine declared.

        "No! Not that again!" Legolas turned to run. Ron turned him into a turtle.

        "Fine, we won't teleport you. We'll try something more fun!" Ron waved his wand and turned Legolas into a green carpet. "Flying carpet!"

        "I don't fly," Legolas said peevishly.

        "You will when we're done with you!"

        Legolas rolled away.

        "Hey, sit still, you dumb carpet!"

        Legolas kept rolling. Aragorn and Gandalf simply stared, blinking.

        "Come on, old timers! Help us catch this carpet!"

        "Hm, if we help them-" Aragorn started.

        "-Legolas will be angry with us," Gandalf finished.

        "But if we help Legolas-"

        "-He may be stuck as a carpet forever!"

        "No I mean the kids might turn _us into carpets!"_

        "Oh."

        Hermoine and Ron succeeded in capturing Legolas and carried him over to Aragorn and Gandalf.

        "Hi, _Rugolas," Aragorn snorted._

        "Lego_less!" Gandalf laughed._

        "Alright, carpet! Fly!" Hermoine commanded. Legolas suddenly rose into the air.

        "Heeey! I'm flying! Now I'm a flying, talking carpet!"

        Legolas fell to the ground as Gandalf tried to sit on him.

        "Darnit. It didn't work. Old timer is too heavy!" Legolas turned back into an elf.

        "I can teleport us!" Gandalf said. "Watch! As I smash my staff to the ground, we'll be at Rohan! On three! One! Two! Three!" Gandalf thrust his staff down.

        "OW!" Aragorn screamed, grabbing his foot and jumping around.

        "Stop jumping around, you'll hurt yourself!" Ron said.       

        "Idiot!" Aragorn grabbed Gandalf's staff and smashed it down to the ground. Suddenly, a bright light surrounded everyone and they appeared at the entrance to the birthday party.

        "We made it! You're the best, Aragorn!" Hermoine said. Aragorn smiled sheepishly and handed Gandalf's staff to the wizard.

        "Thank you, Elessar," he glared.

        "You're welcome, gray sheep," Aragorn said politely.

~~~~~~~

        "Welcome to Saruman's Birthday Bash!" an Orc at the door said, proudly wearing a "Sorhead Rules" jacket. "Want a jacket?"

        "Ooh! I do!" Legolas squealed. Gandalf bashed him on the head.

        "Stupid! Wear your T-shirt if you like "Sorhead" so much!"

        "I refuse to be associated with Sauron!" Aragorn crossed his arms. The orcs grabbed him by his tunic and flung him into some bushes.

        "THEN GET OUT OF SARUMAN'S PARTY! Oh, you folks may come in."

        "Yaayyyy!" Hermoine and Ron yelled, running off.

        "Hey, is that King Théoden?" Legolas pointed. Sure enough, it was the king, falling over drunk.

        "It's rude to point, elfy!" he yelled, thrusting his finger into Legolas's face.

        "Erm, yes." Legolas tried to remove Théoden's finger from his nose.

        "Why are you here? I thought you and Saruman were bitter enemies!" Gandalf said.

        "Well, we thought we'd be good neighbors and come wish ole Saurie a happy birthday!" Théoden slurred.

        Suddenly, a tall man strode up to Théoden's side. He looked similar to Aragorn, but he had a familiar trash can lid- uh, I mean _shield_- strapped to his back.     

        "Boromir?" Gandalf squinted.

        Boromir hugged Théoden. "It's me! And guess what, guys! Where's Aragorn?"

~~~~~~~~~~

        "Look, fella," the orc said firmly. "You can't come in because you dissed Sauron."

        Aragorn adjusted his Groucho Marx glasses, nose, and moustache set. "I never dissed Sauron."

~~~~~~~~~~

        "Aragorn's having problems at the entrance," Legolas said.

        "I'm Théoden's nephew!" Boromir smiled.

        "Oh, okay- PARDON ME?" Gandalf raised his eyebrows in an alarming fashion. "You're NOT Denethor's son? Why, Boromir? You were heir to the Stewardship of-"

        Boromir cut him off. "But NOW I am heir to Snowmane!"

        "Théoden's horse?" Legolas asked dully.

        "YES, UNCLE'S HORSE!"

~~~~~~~~~~

        The orc consulted his clipboard. "We didn't hire Pyro the Flamethower," he said.

        "Of course not! The entertainment is a SURPRISE!" Aragorn said, wearing a fire-print T-shirt and blue jeans. He held two flaming sticks.

        "You throw fire?" the orc asked.

        "Erm, YES! I am the greatest fire thrower ever!"

        "Could you give us a demonstration?"

~~~~~~~~~~

        Hermoine and Ron ran up to Gandalf, each wearing a tiny Ringwraith costume. "Look, old timer!"

        Gandalf screamed and jumped onto Legolas's head.

        "Get off, slug!" Legolas wailed.

        Suddenly, Hermoine burst into flame and ran off, screaming.

~~~~~~~~~~

        "Wow," the orc said. "You burned a Nazgul."

        "Ah, heh," Aragorn grinned nervously.

~~~~~~~~~~

        "So, what's the entertainment?" Legolas asked Théoden. The king shrugged.

        "Dunno, go ask him," Théoden said, pointing and passing out.

        Legolas raised an eyebrow. "A tree?"

        "No," Gandalf grinned. "An Ent!"

        "Hey, Mr. Ent," Legolas said. "Do you know what the entertainment is?"

        The Ent didn't move. "Do… you… know… what… the… en-ter-tain-ment… is?" Legolas repeated.

        "Wait, the Ent is over there," Gandalf pointed out. "That's a tree."

~~~~~~~~~~

        "No, I don't CARE if you're John Travolta!" the orc yelled.

        "I didn't say that," Aragorn squeaked. "I said I was George Clooney! I mean, I'm Viggo Mortensen!!"

        "Oh, really?" the orcs whispered to each other. "You may come in."

~~~~~~~~~~

        "And now we present our special guests!" someone announced. "It's- The Ent Dance Troupe!"

        "What?" Legolas squeaked. Six trees shuffled onstage. "What on earth-?"

        Suddenly, loud music began to play from a hidden speaker. The Ents started swaying. "Hoom, hoom," they said slowly.

        Gandalf scratched his head. "I don't believe it."

        "Hoom, hoom, we are Ents," they sang. Ghan-buri-ghan jumped out in front and started doing Riverdance.

        "Whoa, the foliage is rocking out," Aragorn commented.

        "YIPE! Aragorn! How'd you get in?" Legolas was becoming more and more alarmed.

        "Wait a minute," Gandalf said, squinting at Ghan-buri-ghan. "That looks a touch like-" He strode up to the stage and grabbed the little stump-like man, ripping off it's head.

        "Gandalf!" Legolas shrieked. "You killed him!"

        "Meriadoc!" Gandalf thundered. Merry grinned.

        "Hi there, Gandalf," he squeaked.

        "Why are you impersonating woodsmen?" Gandalf demanded.

        "Well, after Frodo blew us all to kingdom come, I accidentally burned down half of Fangorn Forest trying to make a fire and the Ents got a teensy bit angry. One accidentally smushed Sam-"

        "Darn," Aragorn said. "We lose those things like hotcakes."

        "-then I had do this Riverdance routine until I paid off the estimated amount of money that the trees were worth…" Merry trailed off.

        "Stupid hobbit," Gandalf muttered.

        "Come, now is the time to open my presents!" Saruman announced. Everyone turned.

        "What did you give him, sheep?" Aragorn wondered. Gandalf shot him a dirty look.

        "This first one is from Gandalf, ah my old friend," Saruman opened the box.

        Suddenly, the box blasted Saruman square in the face. He dropped the box and covered his nose, screaming. Gandalf was also screaming- with laughter.

        The beings near Saruman held their noses and ran. Gandalf snorted.  

        "Gandalf!" Legolas said sharply. "WHAT IS THAT?"

        "EEP! IT'S A SKUNK!" a random Uruk-Hai wailed. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

        "You gave Saruman a SKUNK?" Aragorn asked in disbelief.

        "'cause he's such a STINKER!" Gandalf roared with laughter.

        Saruman jumped on the skunk, smashing it. "Nooooooo!" Gandalf screamed. "You killed Peanut!"

        "You NAMED the SKUNK? Istari are weird!" Legolas pointed out.

        "Now I shall stomp you!" Saruman roared.

        "RUN!"

A/N: O.o Did I just write that?

Saruman: Grr.

Me: *hands Saruman grape juice* Heheh

Saruman: *walks off*

Me: Oops, wrong juice!

Saruman: IT'S NOT COMING OUT! I'M PURPLE!

NEXT TIME: The chase! Ron's new home! Refurbishing Fangorn Forest! Tom Bombadil decides to play hide-and-go-seek in an extreme way!


End file.
